biggest disappointments so far

I haven't experienced too many big disappointments in my life. Four of the biggest ones so far, though (and I know, relatively speaking, that none of them is earth shattering, in the grand scheme of things) have been:

1. my MCAT scores in 1987

I studied for the MCAT for months, not cramming and not just learning fleeting facts that I'd forget soon after. I learned so much about biology, chemistry, and physics, including learning how they all worked together. I took a handful of timed practice tests, in the very room where the actual test was to be held, and always scored high.

The day of the test I thought the real MCAT was much easier than the practice ones. I wasn't nervous and thought I'd done really well. I couldn't wait to get the results, which seemed to take forever to arrive. And then they did, much to my dismay: a 49! I was stunned into tears, and knew that I would have a hard time getting into medical school, despite all the other things going for me. I'm lucky that the state school was a good one and that their "mission" was to accept in-state students.

2. not making the snare drum line of the Tulach Ard Pipe Band in 2001

After the Worcester Kiltie Pipe Band folded, and the drum corps decided to integrate with Tulach Ard, I worked hard in the off season and thought I had a great chance of making the corps. But I had some bad technical habits the lead drummer didn't feel comfortable with and then had an abyssmal audition. I knew I was done for. It took me a few years, no exaggeration, to get past this.

3. quitting medical school the day after I started

I worked for a couple of years to prepare for and then go to medical school. I went to school year 'round, in order to finish my music performance/pedagogy major and to also take all the medical-school prerequisites (I graduated with over 200 credit hours). I got into the University of Mississippi medical school, moved to Jackson, Mississippi, and began school.

The first morning of school I woke up in a panic, crying nearly uncontrollably. I managed to get to orientation but still felt overwhelmingly anxious (more to follow...tired of typing here).

4. terrible audition for trumpet-section chair placement in 9th grade

At Fernwood Junior High, we had concert-band auditions for section seating (1st trumpet, 1st chair, etc., for example). I'd never had to audition before and so was terrifically nervous. I knew I was good enough to do very well, but I didn't...I ended up way down in the 3d-trumpet section. I went home and bawled in disappointment.

In hindsight, what still peeves me about the above is that the band director, instead of auditioning us separately, in private, had us all sit in a line and play scales in front of him and every other single auditioning trumpet player. Ridiculous.